Guilt Ridden Spark
by Sorida
Summary: Prime: After "Out of His Head," Bumblebee feels as though he is no longer an Autobot. Once he goes rogue, the team go on a desperate search to bring him home. Megatron reveals his role in Bee's decision and Airachnid's involvement makes everything worse.
1. Prologue

_Summary: Prime: After resurrecting Megatron, Bumblebee runs away, believing he is a traitor to the Autobots. His processor is plagued with guilt and blame. There is no escape from a nightmare that has become a reality. What other choice do you have, but to run and hope it never catches you?_

_A/N: Ok, Prime idea #2 is here! Primus, I have a lot of stuff to update (which I will get around to). I'm on a "writing high" right now for unknown reasons, so I'm going to update a lot of stuff. Wow, I just realized how many of my plots involve Bee running away, albeit different circumstances and events. Sorry if I'm getting way too redundant, it's just my style to do angst-y Bees and angst-y Bees usually lead to some type of abandonment. Anyway, here you go._

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><p>Prologue<p>

_Keep going, don't stop. Keep going, don't stop. Keep going, don't stop..._

Bumblebee kept repeating those four words in his processor, encouraging himself to keep driving, to keep moving away from the ones he betrayed.

_"Remember this scout: you may be an Autobot, but you acted as a Decepticon."_

Megatron's words still rang clearly throughout his processor no matter how hard Bumblebee willed them away. But they were stubborn and strong, much like the Decepticon leader had been. They were forever imprinted upon him, a distant echo of his terrible actions.

He had revived his enemy and couldn't do a thing about it.

_Keep moving, don't stop. Don't think about it. Keep moving, don't stop. Don't think about it. Keep moving, don't think about it. Keep moving, don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it..._

His mind still throbbed from what the Decepticon had done. The foreign psyche had sifted through the scout's memories, picking out the harshest and most pain-filled ones before creating a sick, twisted world where everything was ten times worse than the memory had been.

Tyger Pax had been the memory of choice and Bumblebee had to experience that terrible day more times than he could count. After a while, he became numb to the pain, numb to the feeling of having his voice modulator destroyed, and numb to the emotions.

Without feeling, sentience, what was he? What did that make him to everyone else? Would shutting down his pain make everything better? Would it make it ten times worse? He had already survived centuries with avoiding the subject of Tyger Pax, he could hold off on his mental torture, right?

_Don't stop. Don't think. Keep moving. Keep speeding. Leave it all behind. Don't stop for anything..._

Besides, wasn't it so much better without thinking about it? Wasn't it best to ignore the fact that he single-handedly revived the menacing Decepticon leader? Of course it was...

But he couldn't.

Bumblebee knew it was his fault for the whole mess. If this planet, Earth, was destroyed by the Decepticons, he'd never forgive himself. Primus, he should be cast out of the Autobots right now! That insignia should have been ripped off of his armor as soon as he returned to base. But no, they kept him and now he was on Ground Bridge duty, alone...doing nothing.

_Don't think about it. Keep yourself occupied. Don't..._

"_I shouldn't be here." _He whispered at the consol.

…_admit the truth…_

Even though it was a relatively short amount of time (only four Earth days), Bumblebee's processor plagued him with nightmares. After the whole ordeal, he tried to recharge, only to have terrible purges of Megatron killing the ones he loved before turning to kill him. After the first one, he refused to recharge (much to Ratchet's disdain). But the constant fear and guilt never ceased their onslaught within his mind. For all he knew, he could be the reason that Raf never sees his first day of high school. He could be the reason that Miko and Bulkhead never go to their first concert together. He could be the reason that Jack never goes on a first date with that Sierra girl that Arcee would never stop pestering him about. He could be the reason behind the repairs Ratchet makes to the team due to Decepticon attacks.

He could be the reason for his leader's demise.

"_One shall rise, one shall fall…"_

But which was which? Bumblebee doubted that the fallen would be Optimus Prime, but hadn't he just increased the odds against them? Hadn't he just doomed an entire planet to the same horror of Cybertron?

Everyone could off-line because of him, because of his stupid mistake. If he fought harder, maybe Megatron wouldn't have taken over his mind. Maybe the Decepticon would still be trapped in his processor, forever battling imaginary Optimus Primes. But no, he had to be that deciding factor that just tipped the scale in the Decepticons' favor.

He had done everything wrong and the result: Megatron, well and alive, ready to kill the planet for his own selfish needs. And whose responsibility was it? Who was at fault for the revival? Bumblebee.

It was too much for him, too much to take in. It was sinking in, constricting his spark and motivation. Why did the team still want him around? He just slagging made everything worse! They should hate him; push him away like the scrap he is! After all, he wanted to remove himself from the team altogether, if not for their safety, then for his sanity. There was no way he could live with himself. He needed to get away from the Autobots, perhaps go rogue, anything but the fear and guilt consuming his very being. He needed out…not now, but soon.

But he didn't want to leave. He couldn't leave Raf behind, or Arcee or Bulkhead. Deep down in his processor, he knew they wanted him there. Yet, logic told him to cut his losses and leave before anything else could happen. He didn't like it, but what choice did he have? Was he really that selfish to endanger everyone he knew and loved as a family?

Bumblebee sighed, he made his decision.

"_I don't belong here."_


	2. Chapter 1

_That's it scout, keep driving. Keep driving, nobody wants you. You have ensured the destruction of this world, this innocent planet inhabited by trillions of life forms. You have doomed them all, guaranteed their demise. How can you call yourself an Autobot?_

The voice was there. It was perpetually there, always telling him the truth. He resurrected Megatron. He plunged that share of Dark Energon into the spark of the tyrannical leader. He was too weak to fight back. He submitted and carried out the orders.

He was no Autobot.

That's why he had to leave.

It was simple really, launch the Ground Bridge when Optimus called and red-line it out of the base. Shielding his spark signature was second nature as the ability was commonplace among scouts. He had already been driving for a few hours and the canyon had given way to vegetation.

_You have no place in this universe. The Autobots, your family, will die because of your weakness. They hide their disappointment. You were supposed to be their hope, their future, but you have done the unthinkable. You have betrayed them. What good are you?_

_Shut up, please shut up!_ Bumblebee thought, gunning his engine. Large conifers were blurred by his speed and anguish. He was barely paying attention to where he was going, relying on whatever intuition he had. The sharp turns and quick maneuvers came naturally. However, the scenery did not. Even before they started using the Bridge again, he had never driven to this part of the country. Usually, Cliffjumper or Arcee would come out here.

_You can't escape the truth. They will be so much happier without you. You are the youngest, the least experienced, and it's a wonder that you haven't been terminated yet. You would be so much better dead, nobody would have to worry about you._

_I'm leaving,_ he thought to himself, _that should be good enough. I left a message, I'm not an Autobot and I'm not a Decepticon. I'm rogue...besides, who wants a traitor?_

If he had been more focused on the area, Bumblebee would have recognized the signs of danger. A few seconds ago, he sped past a tree trunk half eaten by acid. He would have noticed the slashes marring the bark of the great pines. He would have detected a second spark signature.

_You are not wanted scout. Neither the Autobots nor the Decepticons have an appropriate use for you. You are a waste of valuable energon. What is the point of you?_

Screeching to a halt, Bumblebee furiously cycled his vents. The hissing from his engine filled the surrounding area, soon followed by the sound of a transformation sequence. Physically and mentally exhausted, he sat down beside a tree. Pulling his legs to his chest, he made himself as small as possible. He could feel something festering in the back of his mind, trying to fight back against the dominant voice. The tiny squeak was saying that it wasn't his fault, that nobody could have done anything. It was quickly dispatched by memories and truth.

_"My name is Bumblebee,"_ he found himself whisper to the forest, _"I returned Megatron to power. I am a traitor to the Autobots and relinquish my rank as scout. I am no longer an Autobot, but I am not a Decepticon. I am Bumblebee. I am alone."_

"Awe, how spark-breaking," a sarcastic feminine voice called out. Bumblebee sprang to his pedes, brandishing his dual plasma cannons. "Don't be like that; we both have something in common. I am also rogue. I have nothing to gain if I attack you and you have nothing to gain if you attack me. We have nothing to fear from one another. Put the guns away, you don't need them here."

_"I've heard stories,"_ Bumblebee replied, _"Arcee told me about you. You killed a good friend of mine and traumatized another."_

"So you're familiar with my work." It was a statement, not a question.

_"You could say I've seen it firsthand. Arcee did spare the details, but Tailgate's frame spoke for itself." _Bumblebee backed up against a pine, deciding it best to have his back covered around this femme.

"Ah yes, Arcee...she did put up quite a fight. I ran into her recently, her fighting skills still need some work. It would have been interesting to add her to my collection. Femmes are hard to come by now...as are younglings. What does this make you, the last?"

_"...yes, I'm among the last generation to be sparked by the AllSpark."_ He couldn't help but jump a bit when the figure began moving towards him. The familiar hum of his dual lasers filled the silence.

"How intriguing...perhaps I should introduce myself properly to you. After all, we've never met in person before. I'm Airachnid," the spider-femme appeared out of the shadows to Bumblebee's right, "and you?"

Bumblebee flinched and directed his weapons at her, staring her straight in the optics. _"Why do you want to know?"_

"Well, it's only polite. Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?" she asked sarcastically. When the youngling didn't respond, she continued. "I thought the Autobots would have a bit more class than that. I'll ask you again scout," she said, pinning Bumblebee against the tree with her web, "what is your designation?" She leaned over him, leveling the pointed edge of her spider leg with Bumblebee's faceplate.

Despite the threat imposed upon him, Bumblebee simply warbled in confusion and looked away. It soon turned into a pained whine as energon leaked from the right side of his chassis. With a satisfied smirk, Airachnid withdrew the edge from the youngling's body, sadistically watching a few drops of energon fall from her leg to the ground. "Now, what was your designation?" she inquired once again, leaning over her prey.

_"...Bumblebee..."_ he beeped, not wanting to be on the receiving end of Airachnid's anger. He quickly covered the stab wound with his left servo.

"And you're the pride and joy of the Autobots?" More sarcasm, how original…

_"...no, not anymore,"_ Bumblebee answered seriously. His gaze drifted to the ground, optics catching the soft blue glow of energon droplets. _"I'm...not an Autobot anymore...I can't be..."_

_And you know why, it's obvious. How could you be after that act of treason? You should be dead, you deserve to be dead, but you're still alive. That is far too lenient, for you are the reason that they will all die! And they tell you that it is not your fault! They are so wrong; it is entirely your fault and leaving is the least you could do for them._

"Oh, and why not?" It was feigned sympathy, but he had to tell someone, anyone, and technically this femme was rogue.

_"I...saved Megatron...I helped him and...and he's completely fine! The Autobots will die and I'm the one to blame! That's why I can't go back or be with them! If I really care about them, I'd completely erase myself from their lives and survive alone! Running away was my only option...and...it's the only thing I can do to keep my sanity."_ He cycled his vents and off-lined his optics, trying in vain to calm himself.

"That's what has you so worked up?" Airachnid chuckled, "Reviving Megatron is no easy feat. Does this make you a Decepticon now?"

_"No...not now and not ever,"_ Bumblebee replied with venom.

"That's too bad, you'd fit right in." She turned her back on the scout, wandering a few feet away. "You could do great things for our cause."

"_No, I'm nothing like you!"_ Enraged, he fired a few shots at the femme. They didn't do much damage, but she fell to the forest floor in a heap. Laughing now, she picked herself back up and locked optics with the scout.

"You could have fooled me, firing at your enemy's back," she sneered, "That was more of a Decepticon tactic than an Autobot one. Are you sure you're on the right side?"

"_I'm not on any side now…I don't belong on any side."_ He backed up against the tree again, transforming his weapons back to servos. _"I don't know what to do."_

"Perhaps I do." Before Bumblebee could do anything, he felt a sharp pain in his neck cables. His vision swam as Airachnid's venom swept through his systems.

"_What…what did you do?"_ he asked, collapsing onto his chassis. His processor was becoming sluggish, barely acknowledging Airachnid's next words.

"Relax, it's a mild venom. It won't kill you…well, it shouldn't." Bumblebee could feel something wrap around his frame. "If you're truly rogue now, that means we're one in the same. You could be useful…" Before Bumblebee fell into stasis, he heard, "Or, you could be a nice addition to my trophies." As the darkness came to claim him, the voice continued to reverberate throughout his processor.

_You finally know your place. You know the truth and you know the punishment for treason. It is your fault after all…_

"It is your fault that I, Megatron, am alive. I thank you for your cooperation, scout." Deep within the Nemesis, Megatron smirked. He would force that scout into insanity or death. There was no further use for him now.

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><p><em>AN: Geez, how long has it been? O.o I apologize for that huge gap and I hope that this does the story justice. :3 I actually did have this chapter halfway done, but it didn't flow well with the rest the prologue and it wouldn't have been as dark as I wanted it to be._


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